Felix the Cat's Pipebomb
by Dmeiff
Summary: Felix has a lot to get off his chest One shot


Felix the Cat's Pipebomb

This takes place just before Epic Mickey was released and Felix the Cat was bought by Disney for their new cartoon show. Needless to say Felix isn't really feeling the Disney vibe. This is a crossover with CM Punk's pipebomb I made due to boredom.

Micky, while you lay there with a piano busted over your head and body hopefully in the most uncomfortable way as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to get this through to big stupid ears of your's because before leave in a week I have a lot I want to get off my chest.

I don't hate you, Micky. I don't even dislike you, I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most of the people working in the studio. I just hate this idea...that you're the best. Because you're not. I'm the best. I'm the best in the world. There's one thing you're better than at that I am and that's kissing Bob Iger's ass. You're as good at kissing Bob Iger's ass as Donald Duck was. I don't know if you're as good as **Ozzie **though. He's a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is. Whoops! I'm breaking the fourth wall!

I'm the best **cartoon character** in the world. I've been the best since day one when I starred in Feline Follies in 1919, and I've been vilified and hated since Steamboat Willie even though Pat Sullivan saw something in me that no one else wanted to admit. That's right I'm a Pat Sullivan guy. You know who else was a Pat Sullivan guy? The animated version of Charlie Chaplin! And god forbid Sammie Johnsin! And they split nearly a century ago just like I'm gonna split, but the difference between Sammie and Charlie and I is that I'm leaving while still being relevant.

I've grabbed so many of Bob Iger's brass rings that it's finally dawned on me that they're just that, they're completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost a century now, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best on this microphone, in those cartoons, even without a voice! Nobody can touch me!

And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I'm not on your new collector's cups, I'm not the cover of your poster...gazette...thing you get printed on every week, I have minuscule air time, I haven't been in anything special since my horrible feature film if you can even call it that, I'm not in any radio broadcasts, I've never been a television guest with some clueless television dolt in my life, I'm not on Jimmy Fallon or Conan O'Brian, but the thing is I should be.

And trust me, this isn't sour grapes, but the fact that **Ozzie** is in a new video game with you and I'm not makes me sick!

Oh, and by the way, all you as you're called hipsters that are cheering for me right now, you are the biggest part of me leaving as anyone else. You're the ones that drink out of those collector's cups that I'm not on. You're the ones that buy those gazette things that I'm nowhere to be seen on, and at 5 am you shove some photo of me and try to get my autograph just so you can sell it at a pawn shop for a couple drinks at some club because can't put any effort to get a college education and get a real job.

I'm leaving the Walt Disney Company next week and hell, who knows maybe I'll go back to RKO Pictures- no wait that's been defunct for a while now...how about I go back to carrying around my magic bag of tricks? Maybe I'll go back to New World Pictures. Hey Pinhead, how've you been?

The reason I'm leaving is you people. Because after I'm gone, you're still going to pour money into this broken company. I'm just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Bob Iger is going to make money despite his choices. He's a multi-millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he's not a billionaire? Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, nonsensical, -censored- yes men, like Jud Shelton, who's going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and I'd like to think that maybe this company will better after Bob Iger's dead. But the fact is, it's going to be taken over by either Tom Staggs or Jay Rasulo or some other yuppie that works for this company.

Let ne tell you a personal story about Bob Iger. We were doing this Charitable Giving's thing in San Francisco and-

-tv goes on stand by-


End file.
